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holynights) wrote2022-12-05 06:27 pm
holynights) wrote2022-12-05 06:27 pmREINDEER GAMES ROOM (week 6 monday afternoon, ryuki & pittman)
Who would have thought that my dad would have more game than most of the game? Stunning.
holynights) wrote2022-12-05 06:27 pm
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And Ryuki honestly looks a little embarrassed to be in this room (again), but mostly he also looks a little tired and a little hungover and a lot anxious.]
... Thanks. For being willing to hear me out.
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[ ah, the fabled boom boom room ... thankfully, he's yet thinking of their location, even if he does begin to keep track of their time. ten minutes, right?
particularly with how anxious ryuki looks, his eyebrows have lifted with concern. ]
What is it—?
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Ah, well...
I've been thinking about what we talked about a little while back, about how it's important to be honest and show your true self and everything. And, considering how all of the discussions seem to be going, I think I owe it to you more than anyone, so...
[Also, he does really like Wayne and admires his way of life and his upstanding nature and that makes this even harder, but he has to power through--!!]
... There are some things I need to tell you.
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so he had taken that to heart. he'd already known they were to use this room for the sake of privacy, but pittman can't say he quite expected a reason of that magnitude. he blinks with surprise, wonders if he should sit for this (which would be at the edge of the bed — so he remains standing for now).
he adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves, peering at ryuki in the meanwhile. ]
[ (he's already not without sympathy, he realizes. ryuki certainly doesn't have to be truthful with him like this.) ]
Then, please... Feel free to continue.
vague AITSM spoilers!!
It's an unusual experience, honestly. Back home, the people who matter already know. Or, well, they know enough. He's never exactly shared his side of things, and for good reason--he doesn't deserve to.]
Well... you see... it's just that...
[... Focus, Ryuki, focus!! Just... like ripping a bandaid off, isn't it best to be straight and to the point and do things as quickly as possible?
Deep breath. One breath, two breaths--and, slowly and almost dully:]
I said that I'm a detective, but... I'm actually on leave. I was removed from the case after betraying my superior and allowing the murderer to get away.
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[ so his eyebrows knit at hearing that, expression otherwise impassive for the moment. ]
... Ryuki.
I'm inclined to think there's more to it than that, isn't there? [ it's what he hopes to hear, anyway. ] So, why...?
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Instead, it's Pittman's usual calm tone, and that's something strangely reassuring. He didn't expect it to do so much to stabilize his own breathing and heart rate, but somehow? It does.
Still...
He keeps his head lowered.]
... Even if there is, what I did is still inexcusable. I know that.
[The truth, though... the truth. He promised Pittman the whole truth.]
But I...
... You remember when I told you about my partner?
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he visibly hesitates; but alas, he knows that whether or not something is inexcusable to someone, personally, wouldn't be his own judgment to pass. ]
[ he does ... of course, want to hear the whole of it. ]
... Yes. About her being an AI, correct?
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[...... He closes his eyes tightly, teeth clenched together.]
I couldn't--in the end, I...
... I betrayed everyone to get her back safely.
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[ he's not unaware his demeanor can come across as .. harsh, at times. so pittman makes that decision he'd been debating on earlier, wherein he gently takes a seat at the edge of the bed. at the very least, even if ryuki may decide he no longer wants to continue on with this (as it's clear from his body language, that he is tormented), he doesn't plan to storm from the room in some indignant anger. ]
[ even if he does wonder if his next few lines of question (this is, after all, a conversation, not an interrogation, he knows) would be too much, he keeps his tone even. ]
... In regards to those that you betrayed, what would happen to them? [ and — ] That... killer. Do you know if he would eventually be brought to justice?
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How much did Ryuki's betrayal hurt other people?
... The answer is, too much.]
... It's been six years. He still hasn't been brought to justice.
[And the one he betrayed..... He can't seem to find the words.]
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Knowing what you do now...
[ because while his suffering is poignant, there is - one last answer, that he does need to know. perhaps it's uncharitable, that he would like a definitive answer to it. of course, he's seen men torment themselves as a result of all sorts of heinous offenses, and yet. ]
... would you still betray them, in order to save her?
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[That's an answer Ryuki can give definitively, even if he follows it up with a bit of a broken laugh.]
I can't... I can't even say if it's--it's definitely not because I'm a better person or anything. But Tama... she didn't want me to do it either. I understand that now. And in the end, I...
I wasn't able to really save anyone at all that way.
[So even if being without Tama left him the same sort of broken shell... he knows given the chance he would've undone it. At least it only would've been him suffering then, and not everyone else around him.]
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[ tama ...that would be his partner. he resists using ryuki's name again — instead he lets out a breath, bringing up a hand to cover his eyes a moment, before letting it fall to rest in his lap. ]
[ he hears him of course, and he listens; it's not as if pittman doesn't have anything more to say on this — he's a wordy judge, of course he does. ]
[ so, his tone measured, ]
What had you expected from me, telling me this?
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... When you talked about... justice, and your home, and your beliefs--I really admired that. Considering the kind of person you are...
[Upstanding, moral, reliable--]
... I felt like... you deserved to know. So you could make your own judgments.
[If Pittman didn't want anything to do with him after all of this, well, Ryuki would respect that--honestly, it's the outcome he's expecting, amidst all of his self-loathing and regret.]
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[ he begins, carefully.
and maybe, in turn, he thinks his own response may lead to ryuki's judgment; it's something that also has his heart beating hard. oh, well. even if weren't already honesty hour (ten minutes), he still deserves the same. pittman, again, goes to fiddling with his cuffs. ]
I can appreciate how difficult this was for you. But, if I am also going to be truthful - I don't think that this changes anything between us.
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That's... not what he was expecting, and it's plain on his face as he stares at Pittman. He was so certain that this would blow up in his face, and that it would be exactly what he deserves.
But... that's not what happens.
Instead... Pittman accepts it. Or, at the very least, he says that it doesn't change anything between them, and--
(Between... them? Should he allow that to make his heart leap like it does...? He might be reading too far into that. But maybe... maybe they can still be friends then.)]
It... doesn't? Are... are you sure?
[Ryuki most certainly does not look like he's judging--if anything, he looks shocked and almost pathetically relieved.]
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I am. You were in a very difficult situation, to say the least. [ of his own doing or not. pittman's aware he may only know the bare bones of it, but he trusts what he's heard. ] And you made a mistake. I do not mean to make light of it. It sounds as if it was a costly mistake, yes, but one you deeply regret and have vowed to never repeat.
[ and, although it may be a minor, procedural point — ]
You were put on leave for your actions, yes? And you accepted this.
[ yet — even if he only knows what's been demonstrated here, he doesn't think... anyone will be able to punish ryuki than more than he's already punishing himself. it, honestly, makes his heart ache to think about. ]
While you may or may not disagree with me, I still think you are very much worthy of kindness... And I would still appreciate having your company.
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All this time, he's thought--surely it isn't fair, surely it's not right for him to be paired up with someone when he's this much of a mess, and definitely not Pittman, who seems to be everything he wanted to be himself but failed to live up to.
But... this is an outcome he'd never anticipated. And it's making him re-evaluate, and rethink a lot of things. But most of all, most importantly:]
You... really...
[He shakes his head, laughing a little choked up sound.]
Of course you really mean it. You've always said things you mean.
[He swallows tightly, drags in a deep breath... and slowly breathes it out, some of the tension that's settled on his shoulders since day one slowly seeping out.]
... Thank you. I--don't really know how much it means coming from me right now, but... but I want to make up for the things I've done. Until I'm... a lot more worthy of your kindness.
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[ spoken with surety; he doesn't think it could mean anything less from anyone else. but even if his eyebrows knit together with brief concern - the tension of the moment still feels charged, and ryuki is only just, more or less, catching his breath from sharing what he had - he tries to abate his own tenseness that with a slight, tentative smile. ]
[ what's even more tentative, really, is how he reaches out to lightly touch his hand to ryuki's shoulder. ]
It sounds like it's a journey you have to make yourself. But -- [ he thinks a moment on how to best word this, without undermining the inherent meaning of that. ] If there's something I could ever do... or if you'd like someone to stand by your side for it, however I can, I'd be happy to do that.